Why? Why do we choose to stay in an unhappy marriage and think that it is healthy for the kids?
I know people stay together for several reasons, fear of being alone, the need for financial support. I have known some parents who stay married thinking it will make the children happier.
How does this work? How do children become happy when un-happiness is visible. We must agree that children are a lot smarter than we think.
Make no bones about it! Divorce, separation is hard on a family, but raising kids in a negative environment is far worse.
I have known parents who have spent years bickering about the same marital issues, with no resolve. The situation does not get better, the rolla coaster continues and the kids continue to feel the pain.
For those of us who have not kissed our spouse in months, our arms do not go around each other, talk with friends or family about how miserable the marriage is, let me say this our kids see, hear and feel the tension. They know!
They may even hear the fights, and if they don't, they miss your smile, laughter and happiness.
Some parents choose to sleep in separate rooms because they believe once the family is together at home, it is easier for the children. Guys !! this is NOT normal. What example of a marriage are we teaching our children? They learn by looking at what we do. We are their role models or are we?
Our children should see and feel the love, they ought to see and feel happiness, caring, laughter. They should see parents who are happy together. This is a healthy experience for children.
I remember distinctly asking myself what good does it do when my children see me in an unhappy marriage. If I am unhappy, how could I make my kids happy? What would I teach three girls about making harsh decisions for the right reasons as young women.
And there was one particular question that I mulled over in my head. If i were to tell my girls I stayed in the marriage for their sake and they were to look me in the eye and ask. Why did you?
Research shows that 80% of children of divorced parents cope well and adjust. If you are going through a divorce or contemplating one, life will get tough. It is no easy journey, but believe me when I say, it will get better.
The kids would be far better off than growing up in a home filled with negativity. My girls lived very normal and fulfilling lives. They continue to accomplish their set goals.
Love and respect yourself and your kids will love and respect you.
I would appreciate feedback and your opinion on the topic. So see you soon!
Keep smiling !!
When children grow up in a tumultuous home, unhappiness, chaos, fighting, abuse, all become the new normal. These children will grow up with no better expectations of what a truly happy family life is and this can perpetuate into a vicious cycle. The smaller scars and bruises that children experience during a divorce may not completely go away but they will fade and become almost unrecognisable. But the deeper gashes and disfigurations that comes with years of living in an unhappy and emotionally unstable home will not fade but instead manifest into all other types of issues.
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