Shifting from victim to survivor

It is crucial to self-impose a statute of limitations on feeling sorry for yourself, even if the conflict is continuing. 

The first year, it’s normal to dwell, cry or vent to your family and friends. After that, even though the pain is still raw.

It’s important you make a conscious shift from seeing yourself as a victim. Regardless of what your partner did or is still doing, you don’t want to make the pain of your divorce who you are as a person. Your hurt and pain won’t go miraculously, and of course it won’t happen overnight. Many women find it beneficial to examine their feelings in a therapeutic setting, such as therapy, support groups, or religion.

Friends can also be a great resource, but don’t use them only as a sounding board for self-pity. If you’re hanging out with a friend who is bashing and telling you how much of your life has been wasted, that friendship is keeping you stuck. Spend time with those who are upbeat and can be seen as role models. An added benefit of taking this step is you’ll be the best version of yourself for your children.

One thing that worked for me, was my family support and the remembrance of a past co-worker.
Some years prior I had the experience of working with a supervisor who had gone through an acrimonious divorce.

She spoke about her trials day in and day out. In her book every man was a disappointment in her words “ALL MAN BAD”. I saw this woman live her life stuck to what seemed a tragedy. Getting her unstuck was a challenge indeed. Her ability to love and trust again was totally lost.

I promised myself, that would never happen to me!!